How do you open up to the whole world and share what you have been keeping to yourself the whole of your teenage and now adult life? It is a secret I have never shared with any human being alive or dead. It is a secret I don’t contribute to when it’s been discussed by friends or colleagues. I usually walk away from the scene whenever the topic is raised. I feel very uncomfortable listening to the opinions that people are quick to share; opinions that are most times very judgmental in nature. However, I have got to that point in my life that I am no longer comfortable with myself and this long standing addiction. An addiction that I appear to be enjoying when I’m into it and doing it, however, the moment I’m done, whatever enjoyment I think I have had disappears immediately and is replaced with a wave of guilt.
I am a lady, twenty five years of age, I have never slept with a man but I masturbate heavily. I picked up this habit as a teenager after reading an article on safe sex. I was desperately looking for a way to handle my sexual urge without actually having sex. I wasn’t ready to share my body with any man because of two reasons;
1. the preaching against fornication was strong in my church
2. Unwanted pregnancy/HIV/AIDS.
I stumbled on that particle article and that was how I picked up masturbation. It started on an experimental note initially. Sometimes once in a week, other times twice before I graduated over the years and the addiction became intense. Over the years, I have really grown into it, I have experimented with all manner of toys too numerous to mention here.
Throughout 2015, I struggled with the habit. I tried to break away all to no avail. Let me quickly add that I have tried on a number of occasions to break away from this habit in the past; the longest I have stayed away from the act each time I tried was about three to four days. I have tried that a number of times and and I had ended up with almost about the same number of days. I am tired of this addiction but the more I try to break away from it, the deeper I seem to go. Men are beginning to approach me; some for marriage others for the usual men stories.
I need a break from this. I want to feel clean again.
Pray for me.
The Pretty One