How I have missed writing…I didn’t stop intentionally, I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I have been bothered, not-in-the-mood, blank, felt cast aside and just having thoughts whirling in my head but couldn’t seem to find a point of focus. Even as I write, I have no sense of direction but I just wanted to put something down. I wanted to feel ecstasy and travel, let the words take me on a journey of discovery, hopefully I get somewhere sane. I have been accused of writing in the spur of the moment, oddly that is true; but this write up is an act of boredom. I am tired of doing the same thing repeatedly, not having time to do the things I love, I get consumed by exhaustion, laziness and sleep all the time. I have let the monsters of technology and all things farce swallow me in whole. I must confess, it is beginning to creep up on me and even my environment is starting to turn against me.
I want to do something different, I want to imbibe the culture of self-discovery, I want to do something I truly love and deeply appreciate, I want to feel fulfilled, refreshed, I want to explore and weigh my options, I don’t want to take life seriously, no one gets out anyway (ok, that’s supposed to be a dark joke) I want to dream, I want to yearn for something great. I want to do something fun and stupid, don’t mind if I get in trouble for it (Ahem! Won’t be the first time) I don’t want to go with the wind or let the ocean and its current determine where I am headed. I want to or rather must take charge, of course life will still take its course no matter how hard we try to define it. But at the end, I want to get there and say “I did, I got here because I wanted to”
The journey of self-discovery Is one that has to happen if you let it, I want to believe it is going to be an amazing experience, mind blowing and all. I just need to give myself a chance and let that change take place. I am not scared, just extremely lazy and so unbothered which is definitely not good. Change is good, at least so far for me, so why this resistance? The thought of having to stand up and take that first step in a world I am already comfortable is a mighty task. I don’t know if I am beginning to ramble or swerved off course, somewhere in this mess I think I am telling myself something, I am not sure what it is but it will come to me soon. We all deal with whatever is bothering us in different ways, no way is bad or should be criticized as long as it is effective and doesn’t put you or others in harm’s way.
I considered myself an open-minded yet conservative and prudent person, it doesn’t take much to get me offended, that’s how slim my patience is. It is a mystery how people still hang around, maybe they have no choice but to tolerate me…lol You know how you say “no offence but……” then go around and offend that person, yeah that is me sometimes, I literally mean no harm but I just use that to drive a point, how else would I express myself clearly. I want more, I crave more, I lust for it…
Ah man, you have no clue how much I have really really missed writing, it’s like singing your favorite song but in a more precise manner and flow. It is good to see that time hasn’t changed this one thing for me, that I still have it to fall back on and exorcise my terrible cultivated habits. So this song is for the writer in me;
“I will never forget, and you will always be by my side.
From the day that I met you, I knew that I will love you till the day I die.
And I will never want much more, and in my heart, I will always be sure,
that I will never forget you and you will always be by my side till the day I die”