Someone once said “Kissing is one of the best kept secrets of “happily ever after”“, and I can’t help but agree. Well, I’m only three years down the road, but you know truth when you hear it!!!
I know the obvious word for this week’s letter, K, would have been ‘Kindness’, but I didn’t want to go with the obvious. And I honestly think I have said PLENTY about being kind and loving to your spouse so far in this series. So, not to keep repeating myself, I decided to look at this fascinating activity called ‘kissing’!
Why do we kiss? Well, the definition of kiss given by Google seems to answer that for us. It says a kiss is a “touch or caress with the lips as a sign of love, sexual desire, or greeting“. So we kiss to show someone that they are loved, and not necessarily to express sexual interest (as in the case of kissing between friends and family members). We also kiss to indicate our interest in sexual activity, and sexual attraction to the other person. Or we can simply kiss as an indication of acceptance, as in a greeting (not necessarily to someone we know and love).
Kisses tend to have cultural significance, and in some cultures, people habitually kiss strangers, that a kiss is not much of a big deal. In others, kissing is seen only as an expression of sexual interest, and so, these people may not kiss as a greeting, or even as an expression of love to family. Based on the culture you grew up in, you may be a free kisser or a shy kisser. Two different people with their diverse cultural experiences of kissing will bring different interpretations and expectations of kissing into their marriage.
It is good to know ourselves, and it paramount that we know our spouse, and what communicates love to them! If they love kissing a lot, and you don’t fancy it much, who should adjust? Should they be denied this avenue to express their love, because you don’t feel like it?
It is a form of communication, just like talking, and it doesn’t help to shut it down because we don’t feel like it. We have to make the effort to communicate love in a way that it will be understood and appreciated. So just as the shy talker needs to make more effort to speak up and engage, the shy kisser needs to take more initiative in expressing love through kissing.
Moreover, kissing is not simply an expression of love, acceptance or sexual interest. Kissing is a CELEBRATION of love!!! Every time you kiss your spouse, you are celebrating the love that you have for each other, not simply communicating it. Your love is special, and not like any other. Your relationship is special, because there is no one you can kiss with the intimacy and passion that you can and should kiss your spouse. Kissing is you delighting in your spouse, and in the knowledge that you are his, and she is yours (and vice versa)!!!
Also, as a sign of affection, kissing as an activity is an investment in your relationship. No kiss you give your spouse is ever wasted! Kisses are like little pennies that fill up a piggy bank. The more you kiss your spouse, the more affectionate they grow towards you. You fill their love up! Also, the less you kiss your spouse, the less affectionate they will be towards you.
Kissing breaks down barriers. It softens a tense situation, by reminding the person that your love is still present and the most important thing. Kisses heal hurting hearts, as affirmation that they are cherished and desired. Many marriages would be saved if couples would intentionally make the effort to kiss each other genuinely and kiss each other often.
So Kissing is:
- A message of acceptance
- An expression of love
- A solicitation for sexual intimacy
- A celebration of your relationship
- An investment of affection
Kisses are powerful in binding, mending and growing affection between couples. They shouldn’t be abused and used for covering up deceit in one’s heart (the way Judas betrayed Jesus). They shouldn’t be abused and used to circumvent an issue, so that you never actually talk about the issue, but bury it under kisses. Kisses shouldn’t be abused and used as the ONLY means of expression of love. There are many other ways to show love…so while doing the others, don’t neglect to KISS intentionally, spontaneously, passionately and regularly. And while kissing, don’t neglect the others…
The powers of kissing work best when the foundation of friendship, love and intimacy have been laid. But kisses with kindness, humility and respect, will go a long way to build intimacy, where there is already a foundation of friendship in marriage. If kissing is not your thing, begin to kiss dutifully, until it becomes habitual, and it will soon become essential and a joyous release of the affection that has been growing inside of you for your spouse. That’s the magic of kissing!