I want to write the truth, the whole and nothing but the truth. So help me God. Having said my pledge, let’s get down to the meat of this piece. Let me quickly add that I am by no means an authority on this subject but as a Nigerian, I have an opinion on who a Nigerian is and how he or she behaves.
A Nigerian is a human being created in the image and likeness of God just like every other person in the world. A Nigerian eats food with spoons, forks and sometimes with his fingers. He also feels pains; he gives love and expects to receive love in return. He sleeps at night just like every other human being on earth. A Nigerian does not have two heads or at least I have never seen one. So what makes a Nigerian unique? Welcome to this attempt at understanding you, the Nigerian. Winks
A NIGERIAN IS HARDWORKING
A Nigerian is a very hardworking person; he works under the sun and in the rain. Infact a Nigeria enjoys what he calls “the fruit of his labour”. Please mind the keywords, labour and fruit. A Nigerian calls it his hard earned money. Yes that’s what it is. A Nigerian earns his money in a hard way. Whether he is making his money legitimately or not is immaterial, there is always an exertion of energy before he makes his money. Otherwise, the money is not hard earned.
A NIGERIAN IS ALWAYS HAPPY
The spirit of a Nigerian is not easily broken, no wonder we tend to crack jokes at everything that happens to us, even when the house of a Nigerian is on fire, he uploads a picture and tag it “house on fire things.”
The people in authority also know this. They know that whatever they do or do not do will amuse a Nigerian. If you give a Nigerian a road, he will appreciate it, if there is no road; he will take it in his stride, laugh at it and finds a way to maneuver the bad roads. Even the lack of light in the country has generated tons and tons of jokes. Up Nepa is a Nigerian way of thanking the almost comatose Electricity Company for their magnanimity in supplying them about thirty minutes of light over a period of forty eight hours.
A NIGERIAN IS RELIGIOUS
A Nigerian does not play with his church or mosque. He does not play with his quest to maintain a good working relationship with his creator. A good working relationship he hopes will one day bring him fame and fortune. So how will he not be closer to his creator when he has not “hammered?”
Remember I didn’t say a Nigerian is spiritual, that is not to say there is no spiritual Nigerian. There is! The difference is that a Nigerian only loves the rituals and ceremonies involved in his religion but does not like to be bothered with the stress of keeping them. For instance, if a Nigerian is truly keeping to the tenets of his faith, who are the people making Gold circle and Durex the fastest selling products in the country?
A NIGERIAN CAN BE UNTAMED
Do not give a Nigeria reason or reasons to run wild, even wild animals in the bush will be shocked at how wild a Nigerian can be.
The major forests where you can see untamed Nigerian are the roads. A Nigerian is a gentleman from his house all the way through his street but the moment the tyres of his keke, okada or car touch a major road, the beast in him his awaken. He barks louder the loudest dog you must have ever encountered. He is ready to jump down from his car to fight you if you caused any dent on his car. It does not matter if he has CLERGY boldly written somewhere on his car.
A NIGERIAN LOVES BANDWAGON
Why not, you want him to be left behind? If you say it’s pure water, a Nigerian will sell it. If it is “recharge cards”, no problem, a Nigerian will buy plastic table, chairs and the big umbrella. The umbrella has to be big enough to provide shelter for him and at least two of his customers from the scotching sun. If you say it is BB that is in vogue, no problem, he will all get it. Who doesn’t like to ping?
A NIGERIAN DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MIND HIS BUSINESS
A Nigerian does not know how to mind his business. Don’t mind him when he is behaving like he doesn’t care or mind what you are doing. He is actually looking at you with the corner of his eyes, the day he will open his mouth to read your file to you is the day it will dawn on you he has not been minding his business. So now you know, mind your business is not for a Nigerian.
A NIGERIAN LOVES GOSSIP
Yes yes a Nigerian loves his daily dose of gossips. Why not? After all, gossiping is a vital part of the human race and a Nigerian cannot afford to be different. A Nigerian can fall sick if his daily ration of gossip is reduced by chance. He does everything possible to make up for any lost ground. When a Nigerian wants to be part of the gist, he goes, “eh, what did you say?”, hoping you will start the story all over again.
A NIGERIAN IS FEARFUL
A Nigerian will want you to believe he can rain fire and brimstone on his enemies or adversaries. He tends to shout on top of his voice with bulging eyeballs hoping he will be able to send shivers down your spine. And you do not budge and maybe square up with him, he takes a flight. The Nigerian opening eyes for you can tumble several times at the sound of an exhaust pipe that is suffering from incomplete combustion.
A NIGERIAN LIKES HIS MISTRESS
A Nigerian loves his mistress. The mistress can be his wife or a lady he has successfully tucked away in another part of the city. And for your health and safety, don’t “double cross” the mistress of a Nigerian, he doesn’t play with such things. It doesn’t matter whether the mistress is illegal or not, as far as he is the first to arrive on the scene and an agreement reached between him and his mistress, steer clear.
The list goes on. This is my attempt at making you understand a Nigerian.
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