It’s Truthful Tuesday, where we tell ourselves the truth even though it might be uncomfortable.
It wasn’t the first time she was complaining, this woman. She was telling me about the mistreatment of a mutual friend towards her. According to her, this friend repeatedly told her that there were no longer on the same level and devised ways to make her words stick to her brain. The ways included openly scolding her and hushing her when she tries to speak. What’s more painful to her is that she is older than this mutual friend of ours.
I was deeply sad and told her she that was not a tree and so she could move if she wasn’t comfortable with the friendship any more. I told her I knew the mutual friend had her excesses, but I was yet to see her act glaringly disrespectful, so I couldn’t act as a judge when I didn’t know the full story, however I repeatedly told her to not tolerate what she didn’t want to accept.
I left the place of discussion, but the thoughts were already rolling in my head.
It was obvious that the mutual friend saw no relevance in a friendship with the complaining friend for her to say it to her face that they were no longer in the same level. A part of me reminded me that I had no proof that the story shared by the complaining friend was true, however, true or not, it was obvious that the friendship was not sustainable.
Let me explain.
If the story was true, it means that the mutual friend saw no usefulness in keeping close the complaining friend.
If the story was untrue, it means that the complaining friend knew that she brought nothing to the table when it came to a friendship with the mutual friend. So, she was threatened and cooked up lies to elicit pity.
Either way, the complaining friend offered no obvious relevance in the friendship.
The last sentence is about the saddest thing that could happen to anyone; having no relevance in a relationship, no matter the kind of relationship it is.
One major reason a man changes his friends after he becomes well-to-do is that he believes that the old friends have nothing to offer him, rather he will do the offering. So he hangs out with people he believes have some form of relevance in his life. The greatest reason for disrespect is a belief that there is no usefulness for the relationship, so there is no need to preserve it with respect.
There’s the mistake of having no relevance and there is the mistake of having only material relevance or a relevance that is not unique.
If a man believes that the only way to keep a woman is by spending on her, what happens the day he goes broke or the day she sees someone richer? If a woman thinks her power over her man is a good time in bed, what happens when his secretary promises him something new in bed he has never seen before?
Relevance makes the difference in all spheres of life.
Some people call it value.
Some call it worth.
Some tag it usefulness.
Some say it’s problem solving.
Some refer to it as relevance.
If you offer no value, if you display no worth, if you show no usefulness, if you solve no problems, if you don’t prove yourself relevant, you will be easily dispensable. If there is nothing uniquely you, what stops anyone from replacing you at the snap of fingers?
What reason do you give anyone for keeping you and protecting your space in their lives? Why shouldn’t they give it to any of the rest 7 billion people on earth? Why would anyone want to keep you by their side no matter how much favour they receive in life? Why should anyone choose you repeatedly over a period of time?
Relationships are held together by commitment, but commitments are encouraged by value and relevance. Everyone has hopes, dreams, expectations from themselves, from others, from friends and from family. If you are not playing your part, you cause an imbalance and such imbalances lead to dissatisfaction.
The bold ones will tell you that you are no longer useful. Some will simply withdraw, and some will use you as a plaything, treating you without respect.
Another angle to this need for relevance is the possibility that your value will not be appreciated. In such instances, leave. While you build your value, while you build your worth, while you make sure that you are relevant to each generation and social status, you have to acknowledge that some people will never accept you as anything great.
If that is the case, you should leave.
So, I ask you a question, what is you relevance to your family, to your church, to your community, to you place of work? What special ingredients do you put in this journey of life?
Before you complain of disrespect ask yourself why.
Before you say they are proud ask yourself why.
Before you throw a pity party telling everyone that you once ate in the same plate and blah blah blah, ask yourself why.
What do you have to offer the people in your life?
Ponder on this things and get relevant.