We were just kids when the popular hand shuffle came on – you know that turn-by-turn hand movement we called the yahoozee? Yeah, the one.
Then, having a hummer jeep was like getting a free pass to heaven – okay, not even close but you get the drift.
Flash forward to the present day, it’s almost Christmas and it’s the Benz craze. I’m not a car person, so the only memory of a Benz I have is of my uncle’s V-boot with the hot air we called air conditioning. Believe me, those were the good days, everyone wanted a ride to church in the cramped up V-boot. I sure bet they’re not stealing panties and killing people to buy that car – I mean, it’s not even that antique yet.
If you’re a young man and not riding a Benz, social media be looking at you like, Yo! Wetin you gain? Right? Victor?
It’s no longer surprising to hear of dead bodies popping up where dead bodies shouldn’t, what with the elections coming up and more young people taking the high road to make money.
Recently, I’ve been noticing flashy cars passing by the area, with boys cramped inside and slowing down on sighting, you know, like a girl- its not what you think, I’m not even attractive. It takes everything in me not to scream when they smile that knowing smile behind the car windows – please this is not cute, why do people do this? That baby come hither facial expression
Today, I saw a white car slow down, with the boys inside grinning from ear to ear, there was barely space for them to breathe in the car and my crazy thoughts figured they’d just shuck me in the boot for good measure. Thankfully, the road was picking up and getting busy, but I turned my headphones off anyway, ready to scream, if they opened the doors and came at me. The car slowed down and I slowed down my pace too – I was on foot, you see. They began driving real slow as if waiting for me to catch up with them. At intervals, one would come down from the back and switch places with the driver. All the time, I was stuck in a place, like God, I don’t want to turn to Benz, plix!
That was legit the scariest experience I’ve had this month, seeing their teeth flashed at me, as if imagining my Benz value or how many dollars they’d make if they, you know…
Funny, that was not the first weird experience I’ve had with strange cars in the area and I just take it as my imagination, but this was not my imagination playing with me today, it was real, and no more morning strolls or evening walks for me, forthwith. Lol, whommy kidding?
In retrospect, it takes me to an article I read on opera news a few days ago about some yahoo boys that wanted to go straight but couldn’t, because you see, they had gone the plus way, and once you plus, there’s no going back.
According to them, once you do the ritual, you’ll be rich and at the expense of peace of mind. If you’re thinking, Ahhh, what’s peace of mind compared to dollars in the hakant? Wait for it.
One of the accounts I read, it started easy for him, all was required was to sleep with two girls, right? And bring whatever they bring to the Baba, for the rituals. It worked! Bobo yen became a “look Gooding guy” until, plot twist, five weeks later, a renewal was being demanded. He was asked to sleep with his sister, like flesh and blood gaaan!!!!
He Sha didn’t do it, and now has decaying sores all over his back, because you see, there’s no going back, you’re in or in. Another one was asked to sleep with 70 dark skinned girls to renew the jazz for the month. Like, 70 girls la San, La san!
See eh, it’s funny how smart the devil is.
Remember how Runtown in one of his hit tracks was like if she follow me go, na enjoyment go kill am o… It’s funny, the devil is just like this. Guys like sex, right? So, the devil gave him the condition to sleep with 70 dark skinned girls (obviously they must have not been used before) and the catch, apart from the fact that enjoyment will kill him (pun intended), Nigeria is fast running out of dark skinned girls. Mission impossible has nothing on this one.
After reading that expose, my mouth was left hanging open and I kept saying to myself, evident in the title – Wetin we gain? Like, these guys are crying for the millions to be taken away and their regular lives returned to them, which of course is impossible – you’re in or in.
I really wonder at times, scratch that, most of the time, the craze from quick money, to what end? Like the hummer jeep craze, we danced to the yahoozee song and forgot about a hummer as the years went by. Same as we’re singing to the wetin we gain, in a few years, the Benz will be a joke, like my uncle’s with the hot air conditioning.
So, basically, people are giving up their souls for trends? Forgive me if I sound sanctimonious, but it’s what it is. Whether it’s the plus version or the plain fraud type, I still think, a thief is a thief, there’s no difference.
Easy come, easy go. Money not worked for, doesn’t last, and Karma has a directory. Not now, maybe, but eventually,