WIFE: (Looks distraught). For three days my husband has been coming home late, looking happy. Father please help me, I don’t want to lose my husband.
REV.FR: I don’t understand. (Confused frown)
WIFE: I was angry with him, so I decided not to make his meals. My friend said it would keep him in line, but he returns home not grumpy or wary, but happy, he even sings. Father, he sings! In three years of marriage, I haven’t heard him sing this much. (Close to tears)
REV.FR: (Stunned) Why don’t you feed your husband?
WIFE: (tightens her jaw) We had a fall out.
REV.FR: (shocked) And starvation was the solution?
WIFE: (sniffs guiltily) It was a serious issue, Father. His colleague at the bank celebrated his wife’s birthday with a kiss in front of family and friends and handed her keys to a brand new Kia Cerato.
REV.FR: (nods, and scratches his beard with a frown) Okay…I’m sorry, how does it connote?
WIFE: (sits up and blurts) Father! Don’t you get it? He’s been at that bank for five years, while his colleague has only been for two years. I wonder how he managed to get a Cerato for his wife!
REV.FR: (frowns in contemplation) But you drive a Morano.
WIFE: (huffs derisively) That isn’t the point.
REV.FR: (flummoxed frown) Really, I don’t get it then. Has your husband not celebrated your birthday before?
WIFE: (frowns at Rev.Fr) Of course he has.
REV.FR: Has he never hugged or kissed you before…in front of people?
REV.FR: Has he never bought a car for you?
WIFE: He has. (looks ashamed)
REV.FR: (spreads out his hands) So where is the issue you’re miffed about; Miffed enough to starve your beloved husband?
WIFE: (realization) What have I done?
REV.FR: (looks smug) To quote psalm 35, you have fallen into the pit you dug. (shakes his head in pity) Anyway, when he comes back home singing tonight, I want you to join him in singing.
WIFE: (cries desperately) He will just stop singing, Father, you don’t know that man, he’s very wicked.
REV.FR: (sighs wearily) When he stops, you stop. And for Christ’s sake, stop the imagined flaws in your husband’s character! (he snapped).
WIFE: (unconvinced) How is this better than prayers? Father just pray for me, pour some blessed water on me and everything will be fine.
REV.FR: (wearily covers his face and mumbles) I see you know my job already. The idea is to get his attention, and then you are to apologize to him.
(Lifts up his head and looks sage) See, men are like leaves, when detached from their tree; they float in the wind and then settle where ever it’s most comfortable. That is, by any woman with the remotest concern for his welfare, to pamper and FEED him.
Don’t give that man a reason to compare his wife with a certain faceless woman out there.
He loves you in his own way. If love had only one format for all couples, then the world would be such a boring place. And sure enough, women would still complain. Go and make your home peaceful; enjoy your husband’s brand of love and stop looking over the damn fence! (he huffed and walked out hugging the bottle of wine, WIFE had brought as a gift).
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