Welcome to the show.
Hello ladies I am hiding somewhere to type this article. This is because I am being pursued by scores of angry wealthy young bachelors who are furious over my insistence on leaking these hidden secrets to you all. I have chosen to leak these secrets because if I don’t take care of my single female friends, who else will?
My dear young lady do you want to get married to a rich man? I am asking you this question because i want us to be on the same page. Oh your answer is a big Yes!? You believe that love is overrated. You know that getting married to the love of your life only happens in the movies. You agree with the cliché that it is far better to cry inside the comfortable and plush interior of a luxurious Porsche cayenne than to laugh inside a rickety taxi or a cranky keke, don’t you?
There is an adage that says if you come from a poor family background it is not your fault but if you choose to marry a poor man, you are totally to blame. So you are a sensible lady who wants a man that is financially stable and who can provide for all your needs. You belong to the “no finance, no romance” school of thought.
I mulled over this topic while drinking a bottle of my favourite soft drink brand and came up with the following strategies which if carefully implemented will result in you walking down the aisle arm in arm, grinning from ear to ear with a rich and handsome man this year.
The Packaging strategy
If you stand in front of a shelf in a super market and you see two products lying on the shelf, one with a shiny package while the other with a drab package. Which one will attract your attention first?
The shiny one of course!
The crux of the matter is that rich men like me*pats wad of mint dollars in his pocket affectionately* are attracted to ladies who are sound and complete in the major facets of their life.
You have to package yourself well to get attention. Your packaging begins with your physical appearance. Why do you ladies think that a semi nude dressing will attract a man to marry you?
Sorry to burst your bubble, the truth is that rich and handsome men are all looking for classy and responsible ladies as wives. When you dress in a way that displays all your “assets” to the public, you will only get ogled by lusty eyes. The rich bachelors that you are looking for may stare at you and initiate contact but none of them will have the remote thought of putting a ring on your finger. The attraction will only be shallow because the name of that farming implement used for weeding will always be plastered all over your face. You will only be a side chick good only for a roll in the haystack every now and then.
You don’t want to be a side chick, you want to be the main chick, a Mrs with a stable family, don’t you? So think, do you still want to buy that same outfit worn by Amber rose during the last Mtv music video awards?
Your face is a major component of your packaging strategy. Try and smile more often for Pete sake! All these frowns and poker faces you keep putting up ain’t helping matters. Grab your make up kit and apply five layers of pancake to further enhance your looks.
How do you talk? Do you talk at the top of your voice? Can you keep secrets?
Do you have good table manners? Do you chew chewing gum noisily? Do you blow the gum into a balloon in public places…..No? Wait….What’s that in your mouth? A chewing gum? I have caught you! Get rid of it and please don’t stick it under the seat or table. You don’t know if that rich dude is looking at you right now.
How is your body carriage and posturing? Are you physically fit?
I don’t get it, why do ladies walk around these days with big bellies even when they ain’t pregnant. If you are one of such, you’d better hit the gym fast.
Apart from the gist that Bruce Jenner is now a trans-gendered Caitlyn Jenner, can you hold intelligent conversations on other topics?
All these and more are the different aspects of packaging that you must work on to have a complete package that will compel that rich bachelor to get down on his knees to propose.
The Damsel In Distress strategy
We might not admit it but every man has a secret fantasy of being the Knight in shiny armour rushing into the scene in the nick of time to rescue his lady from destruction. When a man claims to be in love, he will take over the battles of the lady that he loves.
The knight in shiny armour expression has its origin in the medieval times when young men rode on horses and acted as heroic rescuers of their love interests, sometimes not hesitating to use their swords to inflict damage and death on anyone who troubled their lovers. It is now being used figuratively as a romantic gesture in our modern times.
My dear young lady, a rich bachelor would do anything for you with all the resources at his disposal if only you can activate his “knight in shiny armour” personality. In this case you want him to notice you and to marry you but first of all you have to be in a distressed condition for this to work.
There are many distressed conditions that you can be in. You have to simulate one that will get his attention instantly. Be creative…Think.
Have you seen that rich Adonis that you want to marry? If you have not, you have to be in a gathering where there are many rich eligible bachelors to select your pick. You should know that the damsel in distress strategy only works in the presence of the knight.
Now, the easiest distress condition that you can simulate is to slip and fall flat on your face before your knight.
Yes I am serious. Dearie have you read the book “She stoops to conquer” by Oliver goldsmith? Oh you havent’t? You skipped literature classes back in secondary school?*sigh*. In this case you are not stooping to conquer, you are falling to conquer!
Now you are set to go to a gathering of men with fat wallets. It could be a birthday party, church meeting, wedding reception, convocation ceremony, house warming party, anywhere. You have to look stunning facially because your face will play a major part in your stunt. If you don’ have a pretty face don’t worry, your make up kit will come to your rescue.
Apply ten different layers of Mary kay foundation powder, concealers, eye liners etc on your face. At the end of the makeup session you will be looking like a Barbie doll set to charm your target. Do you have a perfume that irritates the eyes making them watery or misty? Apply a generous spray of the perfume on your white handkerchief which should be held in your palms at all times.
Wear a pair of high heeled shoes. It is easy to slip and fall when wearing a high heel.
Your intention is to get noticed by the rich bachelors in the gathering.
When you get to the gathering, look around, you will see the rich dudes standing together or seated in huddled in small groups. Choose the bachelor that you are most interested in and try to get his attention with a smile. After sometime he will notice your eye movements.
When he starts returning your smile, look at him in the eyes and start walking towards him.
This is the tricky part.
When you are just one meter distance apart from him, suddenly twist the stiletto heels of both legs of your shoes in the opposite direction. This will make you lose your balance and you will fall flat on the ground.
My dear please don’t make any attempt to get up. You don’t want to ruin your hard work now, do you? Just lie down there like a log of wood and start counting slowly from 1 – 10.
I can assure you that the innate knight in shiny armour mechanism in the men will kick in. They will stop everything they are doing and will rush towards you. They will make attempts to lift you up.
While they are fussing over you, quickly dab your eyes with the perfumed handkerchief. The tears will stream out and melt their hearts.
The men will be hustling among themselves to be the lucky one to lead you away.
Imagine a group of rich men struggling among themselves to take care of you which is what you really wanted in the first place. Your Adonis will eventually emerge victorious. He will lead you to a seat or take you of the hall r room. He will comfort and start chatting with you. He will request for your phone number. Give it to him. He will even offer to drive you home. He will call you afterwards for a date. He will date you. After a few weeks he will propose to you.
When your wedding card is printed, don’t forget to invite me. I am very much interested in chopping the wedding Jollof rice.
The Surprise gift strategy
Question 1: How do you attract the attention of someone instantly? Answer: By giving him or her a gift! Question 2: What kind of gift do people like the most? Answer: Money!
It may sound absurd for you to give money to someone who already has lots of it, do it anyway. Do you know that by giving a man your money, you have completely set yourself apart from the rest of the female species.
The truth is this; majority of females have sworn never to give money out to any man. Wealthy men are continually besieged by women with different financial requests. They want airtime, they want money to buy iPhone 6, they want money to make their hair, they want money to buy Brazilian and Peruvian hair, they want money to buy the latest designers clothes and whatever is the reigning fad. It is all about the money for them. You can’t blame rich young men for having the mindset that all women are after their wealth.
If a lady deposits money into the account of a rich man, no matter how small the amount he will be pleasantly surprised and will definitely look for the lady to find out whether she made the deposit by mistake.
My dear young lady looking for a rich husband, look for the account number of that rich guy that you fancy and deposit something into his account. Make the deposit with your full name. That will be the fastest way of gaining his attention. He will make contact with you. He will want to meet you and from there you can weave your charms around him and get him to marry you.
*Clears throat*All my crushes here is your golden opportunity to get my attention once and for all. Send me an email requesting for my account number. You know a rich guy like me*pats wad of mint dollars in his pocket affectionately* needs a pleasant surprise to enable me date and marry you. Yes I will marry all of you J
4) The Playing hard to get strategy
I can see a smile on your face now. This is the oldest trick in the book that you ladies use to keep us guys at bay. Many a young man has wasted his time, money and resources chasing a lady only to end up in frustration. The underlying principle behind the hard to get strategy is that no woman should cheapen herself by saying “Yes” to the first request made by a suitor. The man must crawl on his knees through a path littered with nails & thorns and endure all sorts of fickle behaviour from the lady to prove his love before being granted entry to her heart.…smh
Playing hard to get is counter -productive sometimes. Many ladies are still single and searching at 45 years because they were playing hard to get while their biological clock was ticking away. The times have changed and with the scarcity of husbands many ladies have abandoned this approach.
You can still use the hard to get to get strategy with slight modifications. The hard working and rich eligible bachelors do not have the luxury of time to chase ladies. They have the belief that their money can buy them everything including love and women. Can your love be bought? Can you resist the lure of the greenbacks?
While you are playing hard to get, spice it up a little chase yourself. When the rich guy comes around you, you can act cold and disinterested in his presence. But when he does not expect it, act warm. Give him a call out of the blues, surprise him. Remember there are millions of ladies like you looking for this same rich man. They will snatch him away without battling an eyelid if you give them room. When the time to say “Yes” comes, scream your answer for the whole world to hear.
The Center Of Attraction Strategy
The center of attraction strategy is very effective if you can play it well. It is all about you using your talents and skills to draw attention to yourself. It is about creating a star and infallible personality.
What is your natural talent? Is it singing, acting, writing, dancing, cooking, painting, a pretty face and body structure for modeling?…etc.
You have to develop whatever talent you have and go public with it. A huge base of star-struck fans will form around you. Many facebook groups and pages will be opened in your name.
Do you know that Shakira with over 100 million likes on her official facebook page is the only person in the world with the highest number of fans online? What if she didn’t discover her “hips don’t lie” talent?
Tell me which wealthy man in his right senses wouldn’t want to marry the diva Shakira? Even I will give up my right arm to spend one week with her. I hope my future wife isn’t reading this :p
Rich, handsome and successful men will chase you like bees seeking for your hand in marriage when you are the center of attraction.
Oh you don’t have a talent? You have not discovered your talent yet? You are overweight, plain looking and lazy but you desperately want a rich man to look towards your direction. Sweetheart what are we going to do about this eh? Let us think of something…You must discover your talent today!
Do you know Kim Kardashian? She is married to a millionaire American rapper. She has her reality show and fashion line. She is rich and famous but she doesn’t have any recognizable talent.
Do you know what made her famous?
A video tape was released online by her ex-boyfriend. What was the content of the video? Google is your friend.
So since you don’t have any recognizable talent, go and manufacture your own scandal. This will throw you into the limelight making you the center of the media storm which will ultimately result in men with thick wallets making inquiries about changing your marital status.
The social media strategy
The social media strategy being last on this list is kinda ironic isn’t it?
Is it possible to get a rich husband on Facebook, twitter, instagram, watsapp, bbm and lagos convo? Is there any rich eligible bachelor left on the Facebook platform? Oh You don’t know….you have been searching for a husband on facebook even before Mark Zuckerberg opened the site in 2004…..Please don’t cry, remember the comforting song of Bob Marley, ”no woman no cry”.
The problem with social media, Facebook and instagram most especially is that everybody is rich, everybody is cool, everybody has the best houses, cars and gadgets. Everybody’s life is awesome.
Ladies if you are targeting that guy on your friends list who snaps photos of himself with dollars, Pounds, Kenyan shillings, Cedis, Rands and Naira notes all the time, your natural instinct should tell you that he is probably faking it.
Why are you frowning at me?
He is not fake? Sorry I don’t want to pour sand sand into your garri but you can’t deny the fact that there are lots of fake profiles here.
It is Confession time!*looks left & right*
Mr A got a friend request on Facebook from Gracie which he quickly accepted. Gracie was a very cute girl, always posing with exotic cars, gadgets and clothes. She began chatting with him, told him her dad was a millionaire. He got her number and house address over time. They lived in the same city with him. They spoke on phone twice. One day on his way back from work he decided to pay her an impromptu visit. Got to the address, it was the same house he had been seeing in her photos, massive black gate, lovely flowers, big dogs, nice duplex. He was interrogated by the gate man who said the only person named Gracie in the house was one of the house helps in the house. In disbelief Mr A dialed her number and asked her to meet him outside. A short almost dwarfish lady who was clearly 5 -6 years older than him walked out answering the phone. It was the same voice. She had a darker than coal complexion and was wearing a big gown stained with red blotches. She smiled at him, opening up her mouth to reveal a set of hideous teeth. Mr A simply turned around and fled.
My dear young lady if you are looking for a rich husband on social media the Lord is your strength.
Ps: Dr Leroi is a satirical self styled dating guru who dispenses dating advice to all and sundry who choose to implement them at their own risk. Interestingly, he doesn’t take his own dating advice seriously which probably explains why the last time he had a date was 22nd March 1942.
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