Hian! Musa has come again! Which one is Okada men, big backside and kerewa are like 5 & 6?
Hahahhaha! What do I care? Bring on the tori, jare! Mai gida Musa has a way of adding too much juice and sauce in all his gist so I knew I was in for some sumptuous tori. I actually interjected initially on purpose for the sake of interjection o, arguing that men generally love sex even when some of us pretend otherwise. I did that just to add more fuel to an already raging fire. Musa is one person once challenged would go all length to prove his points. The interjection worked and Musa was rearing to go all out.
This Musa gist cannot be very sweet without chop one chop two so I beckoned on a woman hawking boiled groundnuts, my favourite nuts in times like this. Musa was not interested in the groundnut, he settled for gworo (kolanuts), his favourite nut. The story of his brown plague-coated teeth is a story for another day. Musa tried to convince me to have a bite of his kolanut, (for where?) which I respectfully declined. I have never accepted a piece of kolanut from Musa but that has never stopped him from offering.
Okoro (that’s myself): I have heard that long distance drivers are as promiscuous as the word sounds but Okada men loving big backside women and kerewa is a new one to me, so how did you arrive at that conclusion?
Musa: Hehehehehe. Mazi Okoro, sometimes I wonder what other thing you know apart from money and politics.
Okoro: Mind your tongue, you can’t be talking to your leader in that manner. So talk me, why are you accusing okada men so gravely.
Musa: I am not accusing them my friend, I’m telling you what I know very well. If you break the head of an okada rider, what you will see will be money and women. You see the way Akure my friend trembles in the presence of Amala and Ewedu?
Musa: Yowa! That is the same way Okada men love big backside and kerewa
Hahahaha… I will tell Akure o.
I wasted some minutes trying to get Musa pronounce transport fare and not pranfort pare. He wanted to say he would give me some transport fare to facilitate my journey to reporting him to Akure. Musa gets aggressive whenever I try to correct him. He has always argued that my Igbo accent is less desirable than his sexy Hausa accent. Akure and Effiong seem to agree with him.
Musa: That is my issue with you, you know nothing about women. Wait let me teach you something today. Whenever you see any Okada man, look at him as a man who loves big women and loves to dive into big thighs all the time. Whether it is a girlfriend or a wife, the woman must be thick enough with very big backside or some big thighs, the type Akure calls lapus. If you see an okada man with a slim lady, just know that the okada man is just new in the trade or must have married the lady before he started his okada business. Those men love big backside and kerewa with all their hearts and with all their pockets. Another set of people who love big women and kerewa are Danfo drivers.
Okoro: Prof Prof! Professor of women affairs and other related matters.
Musa: Get away there! You better come and learn from me.
Okoro: learn what? All these stupid theories about women?
Musa: I don’t blame you, it because I didn’t collect money from before revealing my research to you.
Okoro: Research kwa? Your brain is playing some games on you and you are there calling it research.
We were still going back and forth when Effiong came around and jumped into the the fray on learning what we were discussing.
Effiong: Do you know that men with short machine guns are always angry?
There was silence. I thought I have heard it all from the gang but they never cease to amaze me with their special mindsets. What on earth made Effiong come to that conclusion? How did he observe that? Does he have a short machine gun too? That was proper place to begin my probe.
Okoro: Only God knows what you are Musa have been eating of late because this is not normal by every stretch of my imagination.
Effiong: My brother, I mean it. If you see a man who is always very angry, check him vet well, his machine gun is likely as small as a toy but men with big machine gun are always happy and they walk around town with their heads up because they know they are representing very well.
Okoro: Are you trying to say something here?
Okoro: Now it’s beginning to make sense to me. This your anger is not ordinary. I suspect something.
Musa: It is not from me that you will hear that all men are born equal but some have more endowment than others.
One more thing…
No, I won’t tell you. Wait for it tomorrow. I’m serious, I will tell you tomorrow morning.
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