My name is Okoro. Agbishigbaotuleomuruako. Okoro. A member of the Order of Rib Cracking Community of the Federal Republic of Nigeria porting to Lagos Convo with immediate “alacrity” with my crew or gang as we love to be called. I suspect you must have skipped pronouncing my middle. Wehdone sah/ma’am, I see you. Well, you can call me Okoro. A. Okoro or O.A.O for short and have your peace. In fact, on a friendly but cautionary note, do not attempt to pronounce my middle name. I repeat, do not attempt to pronounce my middle name. This is because any attempt at pronouncing it especially the way it is written, might land your tongue in some serious trouble. The type that might not allow you to eat properly for at least one week. I know, I should have sounded the warning before proceeding with my middle name. I know! All the same, do not say I didn’t warn you o!
Having said that, let me proceed and tell you a bit about the gang. My humble self, Okoro. Agbishigbaotuleomuruako. Okoro is the leader of the very hilarious but sometimes intentionally stupid gang of 4 men. We thrive in and enjoy making extraordinary things, ordinary. We shame the wise men of this world by making you see the stupidity that abound in their day to day decision and actions. Politicians tremble at our feet because they know we know what they know. We work round the clock to deliver citizens who can be delivered and make mockery of the ones who have sold their brains to the politicians of this world especially Nigeria. No one is spared by our revolving whip, not even Okada or Keke men.
I became the leader of the gang not by accident but by sheer design orchestrated by me. It is an interesting story but let’s leave that gist for now, it belongs to the proverbial ”another day.” I have been told that I possibly have an extra eye, 3 ears and a pair of nostril that perhaps are more sensitive than the snouts of most smart dogs. I know how to read body languages and I have read quiet a number including that of President Buhari and Donald Trump.
I can’t recall exactly how and where I met Musa, Effiong and Akure but that does not matter now. What matters most is the fact that three of them are bona fide members of our 4-man gang. and bent on cracking your ribs as much as they can. We haven’t seen that thing under the earth we cannot discuss about without fear of contradiction. Is it politics, religion, sex, current affairs? Yes, it concerns us, we must put our mouths.
I know Musa will not be happy with this introduction, he’s always accusing me of behaving as if I am the wisest man ever-liveth. Why wouldn’t I? Who will lead men describe as hilarious and sometimes intentionally stupid gang and will not feel like
Effiong and Akure do not mind who leads the group as long as they are allowed to air their opinion unhindered and that they have been getting in abundance under my able leadership.
In spite of our remarkable differences and sharp disagreement (we have agreed never to agree), one thing is certain with this gang, there is never a dull moment with us. Never! We make rib cages crumble under the influence of our wit, we set eyes on fire causing grown men and women some good minutes of teary eyes and runny nose. With our words o!
Before I run off in pursuit of Mama Ejima, the popular chewing stick merchant of this area, may I pledge we are here to make you and yours happy as long as our contract with Lagos Convo stands.
One more thing…
Musa says Okada men, big backside women and sex are like 5 & 6. He says he will explain tomorrow. Effiong thinks men with small penises are always angry. He says you never hear anything ‘sef’
Ka odi! Ka chifo! See you!
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