Get in here. It’s Man Cave Monday.
An older man recently told me that he was advised, after a heartbreak when he was younger, to date ten women without expectations before attempting to settle for one. He said it was one of the best advises he got, and he met his wife among the ten.
Note that I said Date, I didn’t say have sex with.
I am not yet sure I agree with this, but I realized that on some level, at some time, many people do this. Maybe not with up to ten people, but we check out different people without committing, maybe because we are afraid or we are players (we all know players exist), but at some point, we may wonder when we can say it’s time to commit to that one lady.
Truth is that sometimes, many times, our subconscious makes decisions for us without our full knowledge. So below, in no particular order, are 10 signs that your subconscious has chosen 1 out of the 10 ladies mentioned above.
You no longer pay as much attention to other options.
Remember we are using the thought of having many options with whom you have made no commitment to or with. So, you suddenly realize that you don’t give the others as much attention as you give this one. It’s like she yanks your attention from others and you don’t hate it. In fact, on days when you are being gentlemanly and are working hard at being attentive to the other lady or ladies, you send up a silent prayer up that she would come and drag your attention away so you can have a genuine excuse. She holds your attention and you like it? Pay more attention, my man!
You want to please her (You want to be there for her big moments).
So, you find yourself wondering how you can please her. You think it through and you may even plan a grand move. You find also that you want to be a part of her big or important moments. You make it a point of duty to see if you can get her to give a special smile because of what you did. You take time to plan and work at pleasing her. My brother, it is not a small something. Make the move.
You see something or many things that remind you of her.
You know, you could be walking down the road, minding your own business when you see someone’s smile which reminds you of hers. Or you see a scarf you think she would love. Or you see this hairstyle think would look great on her and you briefly wonder if you have can convince her to make it. All in all, through the course of the day, you find little things which keep her at the forefront of your mind. She has taken a seat in your heart, Oga.
You talk about real life issues with her.
Far from those unserious discussions, discussions you can have with everyone and anyone, even strangers, you find yourself discussing real-life issues with her. You may find out that you felt comfortable enough to tell her how you wish you could do more for your parents, or how you wish you have saved enough to start your own thing, or you share with her your fears of acing that test or getting that promotion. The point is that you trust her enough to be vulnerable and you confide in her. She is slowly becoming a part of your life.
You find a way to bring her into conversations with friends or family.
Your friends might have started mocking you with the way you always have something to say about her no matter the conversation held. This is in line with the last two signs mentioned above. You are always reminded of her and she might have shared some thoughts with you when you shared your life with her, so she became a bit more entwined in your life. You mention her because she is slowly becoming an important part of your life. Need I say more, bruh?
You begin involving her in your plans or sometimes she is your plan.
We know that in singlehood, one thing enjoyed is the free time, but you begin to notice that that free time is no longer as attractive as time spent with her. If your weekends used to be a time for only you to reconcile with yourself, you find that she is the plan you usually have when you are thinking about the free time ahead of you as a weekend or public holiday draws near. She is your free time? Get closer, chairman.
You have quarrelled with her, solved and gotten past the cause of the misunderstanding.
Many people say if you can survive your first fight, you have a chance with the person, but more than that, if you solved it and you both learn a little more about each other, then you may be on to something great. One great skill everyone who wants to be in a loving relationship should have is the ability to argue, quarrel and disagree without missing the point and reconciling with the love remaining. Hard times bring out the true essence of people. If she didn’t get trashy or rude and insulting during the time of the misunderstanding and you were able you work it out, and you feel you understand her a bit better, you have gotten to a landmark with her in the journey. Maybe you should make the journey official?
You don’t feel uneasy showing her off.
Maybe somehow a picture of the two of you ‘leaks’ into the internet, you don’t even think about explaining who she is to avoid misunderstandings. Or you invite her to places you know friends and family would ask you who she is, and you don’t care because it is what came naturally. You would show her off if you could but because you know that the strongest trees take time to grow, you hold yourself back a bit. You also show her off because of the next sign.
You are convinced that she is in the same place you are.
There are few things as heartbreaking, confusing and painful as being the only one in a loving relationship. When the person sees you as just a friend, but you see them as part of your future, that can hurt, and that is not the time to choose them among our proverbial ten. If you are sure, following some of the other signs, that she is where you are in this love journey, it is another sign. The love relationship has to be a partnership and not a one-sided thing. If she is where you are, then most times it leads to the last sign albeit sometimes it also happens subconsciously.
You give her a name.
I’m not talking about those names given to each of the ten options. I’m talking about that special names you give to someone which shows that the person is yours. One thing which makes the phrase ‘just a friend’ more painful is the presence of the word ‘just’. If you are showing her off and yours, she is obviously important to you. If you can without a doubt call her ‘my girlfriend’ or something else that tells everyone who cares to know that she is yours, maybe she is yours. As a point of reference, Adam had named all the animals before Eve came on board, and immediately he saw her, he said, “this, at last, is bone of MY bones and flesh of MY flesh…” You may be calling all the ten ladies, sugar, honey, or sweetheart because you can’t remember their individual names, but you won’t hesitate to give her a special name when your subconscious picks her. You will give her a special name, just as Adam did.
So, here you go, handsome. Check to know if it is time to get a little more serious with her, and if it is time, get serious, build, grow and plan with her and when it is time, wife her, Bro.
Love is a beautiful thing, but like everything worthwhile, it needs the use of your head to make it work.