It’s Women’s Club Wednesday, and we are going to be talking to ourselves. We are going to be talking about ways we can and should improve on ourselves so we can truthfully say we rule the world, at least our world anyway.
Women are the backbone of the family. This means that we in more ways than we may care to acknowledge or admit we are responsible for what happens in the society. I will not go into that, maybe some other time. Today, however, we will be talking about how to be the woman who knows how to wield a screwdriver.
I saw an animation movie recently, Sing. In the movie, I was impressed by a woman there, well a Sow actually. She was a housewife and though in the movie she started out bored and boring, she ended as excited and exciting to her society, her husband and her children.
Although it is not a true life story, it still has lessons I wish to share with you; lessons on how to be truly relevant, valued and respected.
Don’t Discriminate Against Knowledge.
As at the time when coding was still considered a thing for men, a friend of mine was already coding and working with Andela. In fact, she got recognition by being one of the controllers of the projector in church and people sat up and took notice of her. One day I heard a guy tell another, “That girl codes!” More important than his words was his expression and the awe in his voice.
Many ladies are mediocre because they have classified some knowledge as being for men. They shake their head at the opportunity to learn these things because they have it stuck in their heads that some kinds of jobs, some kinds of knowledge, and some kinds of goals are for the men and men alone. That is wrong thinking.
Learn as much as you desire and as much as you can. The Sow in the above-mentioned movie had a challenge and needed to learn and she did, beating obstacles into submission.
I have two elder brothers. When they were single, they did some odd jobs around the house and everyone assumed it was normal because they were the men. Well, they got married and I was the oldest child at home. Before long I was wielding hammers, screwdrivers and tapping power from my neighbour (don’t look at me).
My point is that you should learn what you want to learn as no knowledge is reserved for men alone. Women are also humans with muscles, a mind which can learn things, and working brains…this leads to my next point.
Use Your Brain
I don’t know how it started, but many ladies seem to have lost the ability to think. I mean they seem to be only interested in the superficial and so they allow themselves to be classified as fish brains. Use. Your. Brain. Read books, aim high, think critically, and look for ways to solve problems; look for ways to create solutions to problems on earth.
The way many women work hard to plan some things of little or no importance, if they had used the same energy and put it into useful things, they would have created masterpieces and they would have been doing well financially too, as money follows the path of value.
Still talking about the Sow, remember I said she was a housewife? Well, she needed to do something for herself, her husband was not going to be able to help and she knew she couldn’t let the home front crumble because of her personal aspiration. She thought up something and created a way out. Once again, I am aware that it was a movie, but I have no doubt that anything is possible and achievable with a rightly thinking brain and willing hands.
There are many ways to kill a rat without seeing blood, so, use your brain and…
Don’t Put Yourself In A Box. Don’t Label Yourself Into Stagnancy.
This point is like the second part of the first point. Apart from restricting yourself in knowledge, you shouldn’t restrict yourself by putting a lid on what you can achieve. Don’t tell yourself you can only do certain things. Some of us say I can’t market, I can’t handle the home without help, I can’t do this or that.
Many people have died because they believed that couldn’t go past some challenge before them.
I am not unaware of the fact that we sometimes need help, and I am an advocate of the ‘get the help you need’ movement, but many times we belittle ourselves and weaken ourselves when we use the word can’t. Everything is possible to him that believes.
The Sow… again. I talked about how she overcame and beat her obstacles into submission, but what I didn’t tell you was that at a point she was convinced that she couldn’t do it. She actually walked out on the opportunity and walked back to the life she was used to, the comfort zone which was keeping her bored and boring.
Wherever you are, no matter the situation you are in, there is something you can so. There is always something you can do. Just use the last point above.
Nothing great happens if we remain in our comfort zone. Nothing great happens if something great is not attempted. So, get yourself out of the box, rip off the label sticking you to the same old you that you are tired of. One way to start the journey out of the box is to…
Be Supportive Of Other Women.
It has been said over and again that women are their own enemies. This is said because many women choose to sneer at and envy other women instead of helping them get higher or learning from them. That is no way to be relevant.
Relevance is not just for the men it is for other women too. Can I call you a sister and depend on you? Can you call yourself my sister and mean it in deed and in truth? Can I cry on your shoulder on those days I know the men in my life won’t understand?
Let me share a story.
I have mentioned that I have two elder brothers. I also have two younger sisters, but before they came along, I had gotten used to the guys. So I rolled with guys more than I did with girls and I told myself that is how my life is. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. What this meant was that if I got to a new place, I made male friends before I thought of reaching out to girls.
Something changed my view.
I had an extra year at school, and because of funds, I couldn’t get my own place and so I had to stay with some ladies from the school fellowship. On those days when I cried and feared and prayed and studied with candles, it was these sisters who encouraged and consoled and prayed with me. At that point, no man understood, even though my best friend was a guy (still is). In your inner circle, it’s your sister who will hold your hand and give that silent encouragement.
While I was with them, one of them failed her exams which meant she had to withdraw from medical school. In the day, when everyone consoled her, she just nodded and acted all strong. In the night while I studied, I heard her crying. She gave heart-wrenching sobs, not unlike those I had given weeks before. I understood. She was where she could cry without shame. She was with her sisters, she was with other women who she knew supported her.
This point is made more important when we think of the next point.
Men (including your husband) Are Not Your Saviours.
This is another misconception upheld by many ladies which has made many men see us as liabilities and things they need to control. Why do we think that the man should take care of us? Where did that come from? I am a Christian, and the only thing which shows a man should care for his FAMILY is where he was compared with an infidel if he can’t care for his family. Not the woman per se but his family.
Even the woman was created to be a HELPER so how did we turn the ones needing helpers into our saviours? Even in the marriage relations, the successful families work together and no one is the saviours. Do your investigations.
What happens when we see men as our saviours, we weigh them down, we put them in a box and give them labels. On those days when they can’t do something because they are humans, they feel they have failed, and we too get disappointed and may even resent them.
Work for your money for human hair. Work for your money and take your girls out. Learn how to do those things you depend on men for, except when it comes to lifting things… pay someone to do that (back pain is real).
The Sow didn’t ask her husband to help her take charge of her life. She handled it like a queen and was her husband impressed?!
Learn to be an independent adult. If you need help, ask for it, pay for it, but don’t think it is yours for the taking. That way, you remain grateful when you get it for free and you learn to appreciate the persons who help you.
Don’t Lose Yourself.
This point is self-explanatory. Remain you, remain beautiful, remain womanly, remain feminine, remain all that you are.
Not discriminating against knowledge, using your brain, getting yourself out of the box and taking off the labels attached to you, supporting other women, seeing men as fellow humans and not saviours shouldn’t make you less of the softer, more understanding, nurturing, and sweeter part of humanity He made you.
Being a woman and more is what keeps you relevant.
So, beautiful, go be relevant, valued and respected as a total woman.