It’s Women’s Club Wednesday!
There is a story going around about an anonymously sent message of a man who helped his wife by getting a superstore for her. The business was doing well and then she turned around, becoming proud and announcing to him at every given opportunity that she could take care of herself as she now had money. Angry and aiming to humble her, her husband planned and got her goods burnt in the shop. He would have taken the shop back, avoiding loss, but it was set up in her name and so it was legally hers.
Predictably, his plan worked and she became the submissive wife he wanted her to be.
The story is not ended though, now she goes about spying on him and beating up any woman she suspects of having anything intimate to do with him.
This last part of the story is more saddening and annoying than any other part of the story, to me.
Let me share another story with you.
Benjamin Franklin who is recognized as the Founding Father of the United States of America, loved farming and sought scientific ways to improve on the farming practices in an area. He discovered that the plaster of Paris was an excellent fertilizer, but had trouble convincing the people of his findings. After trying for a while and not reaching them, he decided on an alternate approach.
- Conrad Stein, in his book, Benjamin Franklin: Inventor, Statesman, and Patriot, described the alternate approach thus;
“One autumn, he painted plaster of Paris on his field in large white letters spelling out “THIS FIELD HAS BEEN PLASTERED.” The fall rains washed the plaster of Paris away, but the next spring the letters appeared again in grass that was far lusher and greener than the rest of the field.”
Benjamin Franklin knew that the best way to tell them was to show them. Many people describe a great storyteller as one who can show and not just tell.
You are probably wondering what these stories have gotten to do with what ladies should do before they get married, right? Let me tell you.
Dear Single Woman,
If you know in your heart that you want to be a boss lady, get started before you marry. Start something legal that gives you your own money, no matter how small. Start something good that can help you pay your bills, start something which can be improved on when more light is shown on it.
There is something wrong with a woman waiting to get married, and THEN she realizes she wants her own money. If she had her job, her business or her shop where she makes money from, it is easier to build on it when you get married, but acting confused with your life and then ‘waking’ up when you marry to say you want to be a boss lady and expecting the husbandman to set up the business for you is not advised.
It is a different thing if you both agreed that you will switch businesses or would change jobs for some reason you both know, so you are starting something new as a married woman, it is different, but even at that, try to save up from the old job to start the new business.
As a woman, you are a complete being. You are able to do what you want to do and you don’t NEED to depend on anyone. You may need help and someone helps you, but it’s just that, ‘helping’. Be efficient, take care of yourself as a woman, have your own legal thing that brings money in. In fact, do it so well that if anyone helping it would be as a form of investment because they see the potential.
I don’t think if the lady in the above story had this in mind, the man would have said she grew wings because he helped her by setting up shop.
If you and your husband have agreed that you would be a housewife, cook and think up ideas of things you can do from home, from your phone and laptop or any other way. The aim is to be able to take care of yourself as an adult. You should be able to pay your bills.
Now to the reason for the second story.
This may not be for just single women or even for married women, this is for women generally. The lady kept saying she could take care of herself and when it was time to walk her talk, she weakened and then went mad.
It is not by saying ‘I am a strong woman’, it is by showing it. The lady, if she knew what she was doing, would have taken from her savings and started all over, though small. How else can you truly show the man that you can take care of yourself?
It doesn’t always have to be that you want to make a point to someone though. It may be that you just know you have to live your best life. In the office, the way you can show that you are efficient is by being efficient. At church, the way you can show that you are capable of is anything is by being capable. The way Benjamin Franklin showed the people what the plastering could do, by applying it so the result is visible, is how we ladies should show whoever is looking down on us that we can do more than they think. Not as a way to challenge them, but as a way to earn respect, trust and show relevance.
A story is told of a housewife who had nothing doing. She couldn’t even get a job, as it was in the old days when opportunities were not as much as we have them now. She took care of the home and the children. Her husband was a writer and a printer. She began saving from the change she got from the money for housekeeping.
Little by little she saved, not knowing why, but knew she had to do something.
One day, her husband came back home, distraught. He had written books and what was needed was just money to print and get it out in the public. He had no idea where he could get the money.
“How much do you need?” the wife asked.
He mentioned how much, wondering why she was asking. He knew she had no source of income.
She went to the back of the door where her saving was and counted the money. What she had saved was the exact amount her husband mentioned. The exact amount.
Do you think the man will ever see her as irrelevant or disrespect her when he is in his right senses? She has shown what she can do. She didn’t have to tell him.
There is always a way to stand out, look for it and take it.
There’s another story of another housewife who decided to do beadworks at home. Her husband was intrigued at first, seeing her creations, but he lost interest when he didn’t see the money coming in. She was yet to make sales.
After a quarrel one day, he ordered that he didn’t want to see the beads around the house again. The wife hid and did her thing, making sure that he didn’t see any proof that she was still on it.
It all went fine until the man lost his job.
He calculated how much it will take for him to start up something small of his own, but he had nothing. His wife quietly went in and brought some money for him. She had started making sales and the business was good.
Her husband ended up becoming her marketer.
Ladies, maybe it is time we spoke less and did more. Maybe it is time we think critically and build something for ourselves, maybe it is time we showed the little girls that the man is not a saviour or a bank, and if he is helping, the help should be taken with gratitude.
It is time we showed young girls that adults should take care of themselves no matter the gender.
To the single ladies, what do you have in your hand?
Married woman, instead of spying on your husband get busy.
Show, don’t tell.
Action speaks louder than words.
Live your best life, Ladies!
(Dear Woman, if you have questions you’d like me to answer on this platform, send it to [email protected], with the Subject ‘WCW’)