If only our sisters (these sisters can easily fall into three categories:
1. the totally innocent ones who are in pursuit of true love
2. the ones hoping to hook onto a man, (albeit genuinely) for her daily needs and even
3. the ones popularly referred to as runs girls)
knew all the tactics, tricks and manipulations most Lagos boys (insert men, if you are not comfortable with boys) employ just to get into their pants, the most hallowed chamber in a woman’s body, maybe the number of broken hearts and maybe the amount of ”men are the same” cliche peddled around town would have been reduced to bare minimum. Boys and the kinds of games that go on in the minds just to get a woman in this town is mind blowing. I tell you! More often than not, the antics or tactics if you like, employ by these Lagos boys depend on their level of exposure, association and economic empowerment. So if you are in Lagos or coming to Lagos hoping to pursue love or daily bread or even men, you better read this piece before you set out.
First of all, let’s categorize the boys and men according to their tactics which depend on some of the factors we’ve listed above. Shall we? Good! Oh, before I forget, don’t argue any of these points you are about to read except you are a man. You can’t be a lady and claim you know what guys think about. *Wide grin* So here we go…
The get a Self-Contained apartment by all means and every other thing shall be added unto you category.
Most Lagos boys start out this way. Ones a Lagos boy start getting his footing and bearing by means of an increment in his salary or income, there’s always this drive to save money. The target is to rent a decent accommodation according to the depth of his pocket. And the closest to that dream is a self-contained apartment. No, no, don’t make the mistake of thinking the apartment is for his comfort. Lie, lie. It is for, maybe their comfort but it’s principally for the comfort of the sisters they hope will start coming in their droves once the decent accommodation is secured. Once the apartment is secured, the next step is to furnish it to the best of their ability. Most times, what you will see in a typical self-contained apartment are a television connected to Startimes, Gotv or DSTV. A Lagos boy in his new apartment must stream movies non-stop. Our sisters love movies. There’s no need to spend money acquiring seats at this point. A carpet or rug as will suffice. The tiny kitchen in one corner of the apartment will have enough space for a stove or a gas burner and a couple of pots, plates and cutleries a Lagos boy will require to flex. Another major catch is the fact that toilet and bathroom are en-suite. So the babe could stay as long as he can afford without unnecessary interference.
The get a car, no matter how small category
You really need to see how boys discuss getting a car no matter how small issue with passion and fervency. As a lady, you certainly will not understand the energy behind those discussions. Again, acquiring a car for a Lagos boy is not necessarily for his comfort but the many exploits he had cooked and bottled up in his head. As a guy in Lagos, acquiring a car will automatically grant you access to as many pants as possible. There’s no better way to putting it. I expect ladies to argue this point but boys know this is not far from the truth that’s if you find it difficult calling a spade a spade and not a farming implement. Oh, before I forget, most often than not, the car is mostly fueled by the different ladies that will fall prey to the sight of a car.
Speak to my mom category
Lagos boys are bad boys sha! A good number of them know that for some ladies, the easiest way to get into their pants is to introduce them to their mother via a phone call. He knows how far you will be willing to resist his amorous advances. So he arranges a phone call. ”Mommy speak with Doris, she’s my friend.” There’s usually a little break in transmission after he mentioned you to his mom. Let me decode that break in transmission for you. This is what usually goes on during that short period of break in transmission. Mama is excited and as usual, she starts probing. Mama is actually asking and probing if you are the one, the one she’s been waiting for. After a protracted conversation, Lagos boy responds in such a way to give his listener the assurance you are being discussed. He smiles and turns towards you just to make sure you see the smile on his face. The response always goes like this… ”by the grace of God ma. Yes, ma.” The phone is handed over to you and mommy sweeps you off the ground with those head swelling choice of words. By the time the excitement has gone done (usually in a period not exceeding 3-4 weeks depending on your excitement threshold), bad boy would have hammered the goldmine as many times as he could within that period.
Let’s get her an engagement ring
When you heard Falz croon Bahd, Baddo, Baddest you possibly thought he didn’t know what he was singing about. See ehn, in Lagos, Bahd, Baddo, Baddest walk around in flesh and blood. I mean the types that will go as far as giving you a ring just to enter the place. Maybe this is a classic case of the hunter shooting without aiming since the bird has learnt to fly without perching. Let’s get her an engagement ring is a direct response to if you want it, you must put a ring on it. And God knows how many ladies have fallen prey to these tactics. I know some though.
The what do you want category
At this point in a Lagos boy’s life, pepper has started ripening or resting but not totally ripe though. This category knows the lady’s request will not be more than a request for a new phone, laptop or some pairs of shoes or bag that are very much within his reach. Most ladies are vulnerable to this category. You have a need, he meets your need. He has his need, you are going to meet it too.
The nne, where do you want to travel to, is it Dubai or UK category
This is the baddest of all the categories. As far as they are concerned, all things are possible. Money is not their problem. They do not toast with empty pockets or mouths, they usually make offers that might require something stronger than your conscience to speak directly into your ears and mind and maybe even slap you away from the place. Pray never to come in contact with them because before you remember ”flee from every appearance of evil” you are already in Dubai. I’m sure you know that you must have paid your dues before you are even considered for the Dubai trip or a flat in Lekki.
These are the six categories that readily come to mind. I might be updating the list if I come up with more.
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